"From bicycle tyres to ejection seats, from death-defying flights to the monitoring of a heartbeat, we reveal the famous and intimate histories of ground-breaking ideas and the people who made them possible. Celebrate the craft, graft and imaginative flair of local visionaries and their relationship to technological advancements past, present and future: welcome to the Museum of Innovation."

A half-pint of ale would be very welcome around about now. I’ve been scurrying in all directions – perhaps I have more similarities with the wayward, flitting moths of the castle than I would like to admit! I ask the clerk of the buttery about the castle’s recent limited wine shipments. He shrugs and we share a beleaguered sigh: the Hotspur rebellion has been causing problems with supplies. Offhand, he mentions that a cook happened to overhear a visitor speaking Welsh yesterday – seems unlikely in Northumberland, but who knows what allegiances are being brokered these days?

1) There Once Was A City, Vice-Ridden And Squalid, Where Fashion Was Depraved, Salacious And Horrid; Its Designs Were All Wicked, Fabrics Hung Askew — A Senseless And Unstylish Hullabaloo.

2) By This Point Couture Had Quite Lost Its Way But! One Man Leapt To Action, Right Into The Fray! The Single Great Hope For This Town All-At-Sea: Dapper And Redoubtable Arthur Lasenby Liberty.

3) “Arthur Was Good”, And Arthur Knew Best; ‘London Shall Emerge As A Place Better Dressed!’ He Worked Day And Night ‘Til The Brave Drapers’ Guru Built A Glorious Catalogue (All Arranged Two-By-Two-O).

4) The Floods Soon Descended And Submerged London’s Streets,Washed Away The Tawdry Coats, Hemlines And Pleats. The Waters Kept Rising And Through Waves Huge And Frightening Arthur Sailed On, Beneath Thunder And Lightning!

5) After Months On The Water Arthur Reached A Decision And Launched A Pigeon To The Sky (With Astounding Precision) And! To His Joy! Sign Of Land! ‘What A Selection!’ The Bird Came Back Clutching Gucci’s A/W 2016 Collection.

6) So Arthur Returned With A Triumphant Splash Bearing Bespoke Stylings And New, Modish Panache; The Whole Of London Toasts Him, And Throughout The Lands We All Can Rest Easy — Fashion’s Now In Safe Hands.

On the stairs, I cast my eyes upward. The Tower’s masonry never fails to amaze: look! Carved warriors peering down at us, and stone lions roaring us on! The sheer scale of it all is dizzying. We reach the Entrance Hall and in a candlelit side-room a porter pays me for the fish. I pocket the coins quickly but it’s still not clear where we should set down our barrels. One of my lads asks to use the latrine – Aah’s fair borstin! – but the reply is stern, ‘The latrine is only for our lord’s men.’ That’s us put in our place.